shoesonwrong

What with Theresa buying her tickets and Guille delivering his bad news, I thought I’d just put my news out there, too.

Medical bills this year have been completely insane. Insane enough that we just don’t have the money for a week-long trip (we were actually hoping for two weeks) to San Francisco in January. I know the tweetup is only one day, but San Francisco is where Ryan and I went on our honeymoon just over five years ago. We haven’t been back since, and we wanted to make a vacation out of it.

To boot, the dev team Ryan’s working with will be rolling out a major software release about a week after the San Francisco tweetup, which means lots and lots of overtime being put in and possibly having to work weekends prior to the release. Even if money wasn’t an issue, time probably will be.

I could fly out by myself for a few days, but that’s not happening for a couple reasons: first, San Francisco is a really special place to me and Ryan, and I want to go back with him. Second, the tweetup is the day before his birthday. I’m not going to go to San Francisco, without him, over his birthday.

I hope to meet a lot of you eventually, but it just won’t be this January.

Why is Jesus hanging out with Darth Maul and that guy from 90210?

(via brienis: newnoisethriller: chupetaexplosiva)

Happy birthday, Rachel! I felt like now was the time to reveal my true feelings. (It won’t allow a true embed, so you’ll have to click through. Sorry.)

(Also, happy birthday Kat and @moltz! Though I hope you had happy birthdays, this video is not for you. I don’t feel we’re in an “I Touch Myself” place yet.)

If I wanted to watch people fight while they eat, I would go to Grandma’s Christmas dinner, NOW WOULDN’T I?

OH HAI WINTER AIR.

No, seriously, I was accident-prone. This scar on my chin (the monkey face really brings it out) is the first time I remember being questioned by the authorities in a hospital room without my parents. (It happened multiple times.) They had to ask me a bunch of questions to verify I wasn’t being abused at home.

What happened was this: I was six years old, and I was sitting in a recliner with the foot rest up. I decided to try and climb out of the chair without lowering the foot rest, and in doing so, I became tangled up and fell. My small body was still enough weight to flip the chair over on top of me and smash my face into the (sharp) corner of a coffee table.

I burned most of the skin off the back of my hand three times before I turned eighteen: wood stove, cooking stove, motorcycle tail pipe. One time, in Denver, I walked into a low-hanging steel bar and knocked myself out cold. I sliced the back of my neck open with my own ski. I ran (RAN, at full speed) into a column at the local shopping mall because I was excited and looking the other way. I jumped (on accident) out of a ski lift when I was four and the paramedic guys had to put me on one of those boards and ski me down the slope. I was so top heavy as a toddler, my father went to tug up on my drooping pants (diaper butt causes this) and he lifted me a little bit off the ground — just enough for my enormous head and torso to swing around and land face first on the concrete.

My head has a magnetic attraction to heavy, sharp, and burny things. Future mothers of the world: hope you don’t get one like me. It will cost you a fortune in medical bills. Plus, I think I was probably born with a genius IQ in order for me to just have a normal, functioning one now after all the head trauma.

As I’ve mentioned on here previously, I was an accident prone kid. Here’s me sporting a Mr. Rogers sweater and a shiner. I tried to find one of my tooth that was broken and turned a horrible green-grey color after I slammed my face into the floor, but there weren’t any in my Flickr account. Lucky you. (It’s kind of gross looking.)

funsizebytes:

Seriously, never forget.

Whoever did that to her should have genitals burned off.

I highly recommend this Natalie Portman -bald Google Image Search as a chaser.

First, bald can be beautiful. She has striking features, and the hair brings attention to them. Granted, her ears seem a little bigger, but not like, elfin or something.

Second, she’s still on my shit list over the whole supporting Polanski thing.

If I beat the crap out of Seth Rogen, I probably would have killed Zach Braff.