shoesonwrong

frageelaytwit:

[snip]

I’m not advocating for “fat acceptance,” that’s not my scene, and I don’t love being a size 20.

[snip]

The rest of Toni’s post is great and you should definitely read it. I just wanted to make one comment here.

I think fat acceptance is fantastic. I think skinny acceptace is fantastic. And so is big assed, small titted, or apple-shaped acceptance. There is nothing wrong with accepting who you are and what you look like. I’d love to lose sixty pounds. Then, of course, I’d complain about how small my knockers got or how I have too much skin on too little body. Or how my nose looks funny to me and my hair isn’t laying right, like, ever.

Don’t get me wrong — I am not saying that weight loss goals are evil or bad or self-hating. Sometimes they’re a good thing (medically, personally, maybe both). But I think it’s a really good idea to accept yourself as-is. Fat, skinny, “normal” (whatever that is) — and continue to accept yourself, to love yourself and the way you look, through each change your body goes through.

I think that everyone deserves to feel confident and sexy in the skin they’re in — no matter their size. It punishes nobody but myself to say, “I will feel sexy when I lose ten pounds.” Or “I will like how I look if I lose a size. Just one size.”

So, my point was this: Toni’s post is awesome. Size acceptance (or “fat acceptance” if you prefer) is good, too. And Toni’s post is awesome.

Yeah. That.

Stephanie’s still around, but Simon’s on hiatus. It’s like Salt-N-No Pepa.

I’ve read the books, I’ve seen the movie. I’ve seen the movie twice. I take an unhealthy amount of pleasure in hating it, and I CAN’T LOOK AWAY.

It’s scent is like a drug to me. I’m a stupid lamb.

I HATE MYSELF FOR KNOWING THOSE THINGS.

There is no record of Andrea R. Head as being identified as a perpetrator of child abuse and/or neglect on the Child Abuse/Neglect Central Registry System as of the date of the inquiry.

It is not every day you get a surprise letter in the mail telling you that you aren’t a child abuser and/or guilty of child negligence. It was really the pick me up I needed halfway through the week. I was like, “I suck.” Then the State Department was all, “But you ain’t mean to kids!”

I had to have a background check to be a volunteer with an organization that works with kids and preteens. Apparently it’s standard procedure to send a copy to the organization and also the person the check is being run on.

Related: now you could feel safe with me baby-sitting your little kids if it weren’t for the fact that small children and I make each other horribly uncomfortable.

Who Needs Sleep? — Barenaked Ladies

I am exhausted enough that I’m listening to Barenaked Ladies and posting shopping lists on Tumblr. I really think that mentally healthy me would like to apologize for current me. Luckily, she’s buried under this pile of saltine crumbs and a day old tee-shirt. WON’T BE HEARING FROM THAT BITCH ANYTIME SOON, AMIRITE? Guys, I forgot to shower yesterday and my hair was like french fries in color, texture, and shape this morning.

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Listen, you little fucker, I have the market cornered on an existential crisis overlaid with an agitated depression in this house, okay?

From Target, through this Saturday:

• Private Practice, Season Two: 18.99
• Ugly Betty, Season Three: 18.99
• Desperate Housewives, Season Five: 18.99
• Grey’s Anatomy, Season Five: 18.99

Private Practice, Ugly Betty, and Desperate Housewives all have coupons inside them good for ten dollars off a lot of the most recent DVDs of ABC shows. Buy one show, open it up, use the coupon on the next show. Rinse, repeat, finishing with Grey’s Anatomy, which has no coupon inside, strangely. That makes the price of the first show 18.99, and the price of the rest of the shows 8.99. Plus tax, obviously. The grand total for four seasons of television, depending on your local sales tax, will be between forty-six and fifty dollars — the normal cost of one season in Target (and, until this week, Amazon).

Also, Amazon is running a pretty good sale on video games until November 21st. There’s a list of games, and if you order eighty dollars or more from the list, you get twenty dollars off. Most of the games are between thirty-five and fifty-five dollars, so most combinations of just two games will give you a discount while also scoring you free shipping. Multiple orders give you multiple discounts. Some of the best games on the list:

• Little Big Planet: Game of the Year Edition
• Katamari Forever
• Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition (with all the expansion packs!)
• Super Paper Mario
• Star Ocean: The Last Hope
• Wet
• Bioshock & The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion combination pack
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl

There’s also a lot of Guitar Hero/Rock Band stuff there as well as Call of Duty games.

Christmas time is here, disgusting consumerism everywhere…

Tonight’s Jenna highlights, without context:

“YOU ANCIENT BITCH.”

“If you make me do the dishes, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF.”

“I’m going to teach you to be a drama queen. If I fail, I’m going to take a bunch of pills, and it’s going to be YOUR FAULT.”

“I’m doing my kegels right now. What is it?”

“I once took a low-volume shower with Ed Begely Jr. What more can I do?”

“Drama is like gay men Gatorade: it replenishes their electrolytes.”

yhf:

Friend: anytimes good to text me…if I’m busy I put my cell on vibrate for my pleasure, lol
Me: Be sure to let me know! I’ll text one letter at a time.
…
Me: [out loud, at home] Goddammit.

YHF got a way with the laydees.*

*I’m sorry, that was an unfair gender assumption. He might also have a way with the dudes.